If you share custody of your children with a porn addict, you will probably feel worried and scared for your children. You could panic especially if your children are the age and gender preferred by the porn addict.
Our clients in child custody litigation come to us feeling frustrated with family court.
Fortunately, through their work with us, they discovered that quick action can help children avoid the harmful effects of pornography.
You should start by educating yourself about addiction. Like drugs and alcohol, pornography offers a constant and effortless path to pleasure. These pleasant sensations are immediate, but also illusory. They quickly prove to be temporary and harmful. They leave the abuser diminished in his ability to love anyone, including himself and his children.
As with all addictions, pornography leads to a vicious cycle. The pleasure lasts only a few minutes. The user discovers that his illness leaves him even worse than before. The same triggers that led to its first use still force it, but even stronger. Therefore, it requires repeated use. She discovers that she needs even more stimulation to reach the same climax.
Each successive use perpetuates his dependence, until illness overwhelms his humanity. Almost all addicts pervert their priorities. They make poor decisions regarding their values, which are manifested in the inappropriate use of their time and money. They become poor parents. Some even look for opportunities to fulfill their fantasies in real life with real people.
If you find yourself in a child custody litigation with a porn addict, your strategy should take three steps. First, it shows that your co-father is addicted. Second, you convince the court to be concerned about your dependency. Third, it offers specific action for the court to protect your children.
The first step requires you to prove that the addiction exists. Unlike drugs or alcohol, no chemical test can prove someone is using pornography. However, you may be able to find evidence on credit card statements, computer records, and phone bills. When examining a computer, check not only the contents of the hard drive, but also the history of the Internet browser.
You can also ask the court to request that you undergo a psychological evaluation. A psychological evaluation relies almost entirely on self-disclosure. You could hide your compulsion from the evaluator. However, it is hoped that you will use the assessment as an opportunity to seek help.
Once you prove you are addicted, proceed to step two to convince the court to care. Many families and their attorneys skip this critical step. However, you cannot assume that your judge agrees with you that you are harming your children.
Different states adopt different tactics when considering the moral suitability of parents in custody litigation. For example, Louisiana contains an explicit statute that requires consideration of “the moral suitability of each party, insofar as it affects the welfare of the child.” The Missouri Court of Appeals held that parental viewing of pornography should be taken into account when deciding child custody, but that this factor alone is not determinative. A Florida court ruled that a home-based pornography business operated by the mother’s boyfriend had to affect her fitness to be a mother, even if the children themselves never saw its products.
Once you prove addiction and convince the court to care, step three begins: you tell the court specifically how to protect your children. If your children live primarily with the addicted parent, you can ask the court to transfer custody and residency to him. You can ask the court to require the other parent not to display inappropriate materials in the home when their children visit. You could even ask the court to order that your parenting time be dependent on treatment. You might find a support group for sex addicts, inspired by Alcoholics Anonymous.
As with most child custody matters, it is best to protect your children out of court. Ideally, your attorney can use the court process to convince the other parent to seek help for your illness. If you love your children as you say, you should want to be the best possible parent to them.
Porn addiction gets worse over time. Act now before your children suffer irreparable harm. If you share custody with a pornography addict, immediately contact a family law attorney experienced in these matters.
Copyright 2007 Scott Wasserman