Spanking for security is a risky business

I would like to urge all parents to further ensure the safety of their children by teaching them to recognize danger on their own, without the need for anyone to stay around 24 hours a day. We have underestimated children by assuming that they are incapable of independently learning to avoid danger, and we have done so at their expense…a fact that is evident every time we see a young child running down a busy street.

Instead of acting as an external check on the mother, fathers would serve their children better simply by passing on their own fear and avoiding all that is dangerous. This parental carriage allows the children to internalize the awareness of approaching danger…after all, that is how most living things teach their young to survive quite effectively.

Unfortunately, the teaching method commonly used by human parents to teach safety topics, which can be called ‘The Shout and Hit Teaching Method’, is a very inefficient and harsh way of teaching anything, let alone safety topics. of security. In fact, this yelling and hitting approach is such a poor teaching method that it can even backfire at times. It should be apparent that the main flaw in the use of anger and violence as a method of teaching children to avoid danger lies in the imminent possibility that the anger and violence will cause the child to fear the parents rather than the child. real danger ahead.

Let me explain a little bit about this “fear transmitted” learning that we have pushed aside and unnoticed for far too long. It’s probably safe to say that most parents are aware of the fact that even babies react instantly to a parent’s frightened behavior. This is because babies are born into this world fully equipped to automatically switch into an acutely aware survival mode in response to a parent’s alarm reaction. As soon as the baby is able to identify a source of parental alarm, the baby will immediately adopt the same fear of the perceived threat as the parent.

This ability of young children to immediately internalize the same fear that parents have of a source of danger is a built-in biological survival mechanism that parents should use to a much greater extent than they do today. This innate learning ability in children is biologically designed to act as an aid in helping our youngsters learn how to avoid danger…and thereby increase the likelihood of survival. Most newborn animal species also share this inherent behaviorism. Except, unlike us, their parents make the most of their courage to teach their young survival skills.

Also, we parents could save ourselves a lot of worry and time by making use of this natural learning tool. It is a simple but proven technique that has proven over time to be much more effective, safer and faster than other traditional, typically punitive, methods of teaching children to avoid harm. This method uses children’s ability to internalize our transmitted fears and instantly adopt those fears as their own…and they do so in the form of a deep-seated learning process that can take only a few minutes to stage and complete.

To illustrate how this method works, let’s imagine that you are the parent of a young child who is ready to learn to be careful around moving vehicles. You may want to start by taking your toddler to the side of the road for the lesson during a period of low traffic. Start laughing and playing while, at the same time, keeping an eye out for the first vehicle to arrive. When one comes into view, jump up in alarm with a startled ‘OH! OH!’, and point to the vehicle while making sure your child is seeing the source of his alarm (rest assured, your child will look for the cause of his distress). It only took one lesson to instill a sense of danger in my kids when it comes to moving vehicles, but if you see that your child isn’t wary of the road after the first teaching attempt (perhaps because he didn’t broadcast his effectively) simply repeat the process until the message arrives. Few children will remain immune to mom/dad jumping in alarm at a perceived threat.

It goes without saying that this teaching method is very effective in teaching children any and all safety topics. The hot stove is another excuse commonly heard by parents to impose punitive measures on their children. But there is a better, faster, and safer way for new parents to tackle this security issue. First, turn on your stove to a high temperature and let it heat up well. Then go “play crawl” with your baby (say 8-10 months) to the kitchen. Crawl close enough to the stove to feel the heat, then suddenly and abruptly stop in your tracks with a vocalized alarm. You will have instantly gained your baby’s full attention. Slowly reach your hand toward the hot stove until the heat level becomes uncomfortable, then pull your hand back quickly with wide eyes as she fearfully says the word ‘Hot!’ The baby might take off in a hasty retreat at that point, but she may want to learn more about this danger by mimicking what you just did by proceeding to slowly reach for the stove. Under a watchful eye, the baby feels the same uncomfortable heat and forever learns that it is best to keep a hot stove at a safe distance (of course, she will want to confirm this learning with follow-up observations under close supervision).

My daughter didn’t actually have to reach out to feel the heat because she crawled close enough to feel it and identify the stove as my alarm source. On the other hand, my son gingerly stretched out to feel the uncomfortable heat just as I had. Either way, both of my children had internalized the desire to avoid getting too close to a hot stove from that point on. This process represents a safety lesson that a baby can learn permanently in just one minute. In fact, I have found my method to be so effective that it is better for parents to be undramatic and find that the exercise needs to be repeated than to be overly dramatic and scare others. poor baby. Although fear is one of the least desirable or recommended emotions to instill in a child, there are some fears that they need to learn to survive.

My method involves a simple matter of thought and creativity. Of course, childproofing is desirable, but it doesn’t really teach. For example, will all electrical outlets be covered in all places visited? Maybe not. Crawl with the baby over to a light socket, put a finger in it, then back away in alarm. Crawl to the edge of the steps with the baby and come to an abrupt stop in alarm.

It is certainly understandable that a parent who sees their child in danger reacts with fear and alarm. I would like to suggest that parents refrain from allowing their feelings of fear to turn into feelings of anger, at least when it comes to teaching safety topics. Anger leaves a lot to be desired as a teaching method, and is just as likely to motivate the child to simply avoid getting caught next time (the child is prone to walking away thinking something like ‘I don’t understand’). what was wrong with what he was doing, but for some mysterious reason it bothers mom, so I just won’t do it when she’s around her’). Worse yet, young children have been known to start running away from the alarmed and angry cries of a parent spanking them for fear of being beaten. This reaction on the part of young children is especially risky near roads, parking lots and swimming pools, where danger is ahead.

Any parent knows that there are times, no matter how high the usual level of vigilance, when young children will disappear from sight. One of the primary purposes of this teaching method is to help address these potentially tragic cases by creating a greater degree of insurance against accidental childhood deaths and injuries. Too often, children learn to avoid danger only in the presence of the punishing parent without understanding the real risks associated with the behavior in question.

Mine is a teaching method that serves to effectively accelerate the process of children internalizing an independent ability to avoid danger, while also representing a means of teaching children without subjecting them to demeaning, disrespectful, or violent treatment.

Having said all that, I must also add that while this method of teaching safety issues is highly effective, it still does not replace the need for young children to be supervised at all times where the possibility of danger may exist.

NOTE: This approach may not prove immediately effective in the absence of a well-functioning bond of trust between child and parent/caregiver. In cases where there is some degree of mistrust, ongoing acrimony, or alienation between parent and child, it may be necessary to repeat the lesson in question.

James C. Talbot

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *