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Sincere apologies are for those who make them, not those to whom they are made.” ~Greg LeMond
When I was a child, whenever I took my sister’s toy or insulted my brother, my mother would grab my wrist and demand that I apologize. Furthermore, if the apology didn’t sound bad enough, I had to repeat it until my tone was genuine. An apology was the basic reaction to any mistake.
Now that I’m older, I see apologizing as more than just a household rule. My younger self didn’t understand the intricacies of human pride and self-righteousness, but my older self did.
Now, I see family members who refuse to talk to each other for years after an argument just because neither side wants to be the first to put their pride aside and “break and apologize.” But who decided that apologizing was a sign of weakness?
I believe we have reached a day and age where showing emotional vulnerability can be seen as a positive rather than a negative quality.
People are becoming more aware of ideas like empathy and sensitivity, and everywhere we are encouraged to talk about our feelings, seek help and connect with others. Gone are the days of keeping everything bottled up inside to suffer alone.
As we move through this time of self-knowledge and self-discovery, it is vital to acquire the ability to recognize our own mistakes. No one is perfect, and we will all do something to hurt another person at some point in our lives. The difference, however, is in recognizing that we have done something wrong.
This was hard for me to understand, because I was taught that an apology should be an automatic response.
It took me a long time to realize what it meant to say “I’m sorry” from the heart. Apologizing just for the sake of apologizing is pointless. We can’t genuinely apologize if we can’t admit we made a mistake.
This is where humility comes in. Can we look in the mirror and say that it was at least partly our fault? Can we take that responsibility?
Blaming someone else is easy. Making excuses and avoiding the subject is easy. However, taking the full weight of blame on our own shoulders is very difficult.
I learned this the hard way from a childhood friend of mine. As we got older, we started to get more competitive in the things we did together, and eventually playful competition went a bit too far.
It became a game of trying to silently prove who was better, and we ended up hurting each other for our pride.
We refused to apologize or even address what was going on because neither wanted to be the one to “give in.”
The tension continued to grow, breaking our friendship. I wish I could go back now, because if I had taken responsibility for the mistakes I made, we probably could have easily resolved it and saved our friendship.
Instead, I let my pride take precedence over my relationships with the people around me.
Learning to apologize is the first and most important step in the healing process. Not only does it show the recipient that you recognize their right to feel hurt, it opens the way to forgiveness.
It seems silly, really. I mean, it’s just two little words. How can something so small be so powerful?
Well, there have been several scientific studies on the power of apologizing, which have shown that when the victim receives an apology from their offender, they develop empathy towards that person, which then turns more quickly into forgiveness.
This is because when we receive an apology, we feel that our attacker acknowledges our pain and is willing to help us heal.
Timing is also an important aspect to consider, because sometimes the other person might not be ready to accept your apology. Sometimes we need to give wounds time to heal a bit before stepping up and saying “I’m sorry.”
An apology cannot undo what has been done, but it can help ease the pain and stress of the aftermath. It gives hope for rebuilding and values the relationship rather than the pride of the individual.
Sometimes people don’t even realize the pain they are creating around them by not taking responsibility for their actions. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s someone you know, but everyone knows someone who’s been through this at some point.
Now is the time to make a change.
sorry wallpaper
Many times those two simple words are worth more than a lifetime of excuses and explanations.
Choose the path of humility. Choose the path of healing. Choose love over pride. Choose to apologize.