When a parent considers their role to be a “job”
This seems like an interesting question to me. Has it ever occurred to you? Have you ever found yourself thinking “this is the hardest job I’ve ever had?” Well, it didn’t occur to me until I had a heart-to-heart with my husband last month.
She was describing her typical day at home, the drive to school, the shopping spree, the school pick-up, the quick-cook and eat dinners, and the run to and from dance class. The bedtime routine now pressed for time when the clock passes 8:00 pm and you desperately wish those kids in bed with the lights out would do this again tomorrow. My husband can do all of this on a strict “every minute counts” schedule.
In his mathematical mind, he has reduced each activity to an equation of seconds and minutes, going from A to B to C, all while counting down within himself. WOW!
I, on the other hand, am more relaxed. I have a schedule and value “being present.” I allow time for discussion and time to slow down because sometimes children need help getting out or in the door. I go less by the time on the clock and more by the rhythm of the day. I still do things on time.
A difference in views
This realization stopped me mid-conversation. I was really surprised and intrigued to notice this differentiation between us. So he feels that it is his “Job” to take care of the children. He feels the same pressure to complete chores and get the kids to places on time as he would to meet work deadlines and have a boss check on his progress! He moves through the house with the same energy, speed, and determination as someone with a great purpose.
But not me…
What “being a father” means to me
In my opinion, parenting is “a way of life.” I thing to be a father. I was lucky, blessed. I did it expecting to make sacrifices. I am a caring person by nature and I feel that it is important to help others first. Being a parent is fun for me and it gives me a sense of pride and joy, and I wonder about the future.
While my laid-back nature exudes positivity and passion, it’s easy to see how others can feel overwhelmed.
The role of gender in parenting
So I was so intrigued to learn that my partner and I had such contrasting views on parental obligations that I began conducting an unofficial investigative survey on social media.
I asked parents who self-identified as mothers and those who identified themselves as fathers to answer “yes” or “no” to whether or not they felt parenting was “work.”
What Other Parents Said: My Social Media Poll Results
My social media capture ended up being small, even though the survey was sent across many platforms and many viewers. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are the most used. I couldn’t design an official poll from my Facebook page, so I posted it as a general interest comment.
Availability, interest and commitment seemed to be the main reason for the small sample size. He was still impressed by the results. I can’t wait to share the findings!
But first, a few things to note about limitations:
More people who identified as “dad” responded to the survey overall compared to people who identified as “mom.” (This may have skewed some of the results)
The sample sizes of both groups are small and may not be generalizable to larger populations with more equal sample sizes.
The survey simply captured the people who wanted to respond and had the time to do so during a limited 48-hour time period.
Social media results from my survey: Do dads see the role as their “job”?
Social media results from my survey:
Over a 48-hour period, 8 people responded to my survey question “Do you consider being a parent your ‘job’?
The results were 63% “yes” for the dads!
Only 37% answered “no”.
Social media results from my survey: Do moms view paper as their “job”?
Social media results from my survey:
During a 48-hour period, only 5 people responded to my survey question “Do you consider being a mother your ‘job’?
The results where only 20% “yes” for moms
The vast majority -80% answered “no”
Discussion of the results
So now I’m really curious! Why do men or people who identify with the role of “dad” tend to see the role more as a “job” and why do women or people who identify as “mom” the vast majority do not consider parenting a “job”? ?
It is due to longstanding outdated views that traditionally Dad would work outside the home, traditionally being industrious and probably the “breadwinner”.
Or is it just dad’s thing, that everything is work?
And similarly, why do most women or mothers NOT consider their role as a “job”?
Because we are traditionally the caregivers and raisers of children?
Or because we are more likely to take time off from our actual work to care for children as needed? So does that change our idea of what a “job” is for us?
The dynamic seems multi-factorial, and unfortunately for my question, although a few people responded to the survey, no one left any comments. The feedback would have been really helpful in helping us understand what parents really think about their roles and why.
How the results influenced us
Looking at the results and reflection of our own personal discussion, my husband and I have changed a few things ourselves. I feel like because my partner feels like it’s “always on”, even though he’s at home, he doesn’t recharge the same way I do.
You do this best with a specific time to wind down at the end of the day, on your terms in your own way. May you have your time. As a supportive partner, I help create and maintain this time for him.
As for me, I’m not that regimented. I top up when I have 5 uninterrupted minutes to have a few sips of tea or coffee. I recharge in a few minutes of silence, or a few minutes of sitting on the couch before getting up to redirect my attention to the next full effort. Some people seem to work best with short, frequent breaks, and others seem to prefer long, consolidated hard work and a long period of rest, safe in the knowledge that they won’t have to get up for another round of “work.” “.
Once again, the old adage is true: a good relationship is all about commitment! When you take the focus off disagreements and work to adjust subtleties, teamwork improves.
Hopefully these social media survey results will not only help my family, but yours too!
To view the survey results directly, visit Considering a job as a parent?