I recently heard from a wife who was devastated that her husband was pushing for them to separate. He had told her that she intended to move out next weekend and she was preparing for a horrible day. And her husband had just dropped another devastating piece of news. He told her that he felt they should see other people during the separation. His reasoning behind this was that doing so would allow them to see if they were missing out on anything by being married. And, he reasoned, if they met and were attracted to someone else, it would tell them that the marriage wasn’t worth saving anyway.
The wife disagreed with this reasoning. She felt that dating other people was more or less a guarantee that the marriage would come to an end. In fact, she suspected that her husband was only trying to facilitate his divorce from her. After all, once they started dating other people, how likely would it be that they would work on the marriage? She said, in part: “I’m devastated that he wants to see other people. We’re getting separated, not divorced. Dating other people is not something you should do while you’re still married. If he really believes there’s a chance that we could save our marriage so why does he want to date other people I’m floored by this I’ve tried to reason with him but he won’t listen Is there any way I can make him change his My friends say I should dating other people to make him jealous but i don’t want to do that what are my options?
This is a very difficult situation. The husband had made it clear that he really wasn’t willing to talk about it anymore because he had already made up his mind. And I have seen marriages that were saved even after a separation in which the spouses dated others. But, the wife was right to be reticent because there is also a lot of risk involved. However, in the next article, I’ll go over a few things she might want to think about or try if she finds herself in this situation.
Before you agree to date other people during your separation, try to talk to your husband about other alternatives: It was pretty clear that the husband did not want to negotiate on this, so I felt that the wife might want to approach this in a spirit of compromise. She might suggest that you first take a finite period of time where you are apart but faithful to each other while you try to work on your marriage. This would buy him some time in the hopes that he could save her marriage and get her husband back home before she starts seeing other people.
If this doesn’t work, the other alternative would be to set some guidelines about what it means to “date” others. What the wife absolutely did not want was for her husband to sleep with other women while they were separated but still married. So if she couldn’t get him to change his mind, she could ask him to set the limit at that point. After all, if they were still married and he was being intimate with other women, it could be argued that this was adultery. The larger argument, however, was that this was out of the wife’s comfort level.
I suggested that she be very direct and calm when having this conversation with him. She might say something like, “I hear what you’re saying, but I think if we’re dating other people, we’re not really giving our marriage our full attention or a real chance. There’s a reason we’re breaking up instead of breaking up.” “. divorced. The hope is that the split will give us some guidance on what we want to do next. But seeing other people does not help with this process. It only makes things more confusing and compromises our marriage. with other people is something I hate to even think about because I’m still so invested in our marriage. I was hoping you were too. Can we agree that, at least for a while, we will stop dating others? from the table so that we give our marriage a fair chance?”
What are your options if your husband insists on seeing other people while you are apart: Sometimes wives do or say everything in their power to get their husbands to change his mind about seeing other people, but nothing works. What happens then? What are your options? Well, the way I see it, you have a decision to make. You can tell your husband that seeing other people is a deal breaker for you and that you will never agree. Or, he can pretend he’s going a lot and see if he can really use this to his advantage. I’ve had women tell me that letting their husband think they were seeing other people actually worked pretty well for them. This has to be convincing, of course, and you should never go too far or be inappropriate with it.
But it’s my opinion that a little mystery can help your cause when you’re apart. Of course, you don’t want to be blatantly dishonest or go overboard with this, but you can leave out some details, be evasive, and see if it has any effect on him.
And, while I know you’ll want to know all the details about her dating other people, I think it’s best not to go overboard with that either. If he’s determined to do this even though he knows you’re against it, then it’s clearly an issue you’re not going to agree on. So if he keeps insisting on it, he almost gives her more power than he already has.
At the end of the day, your real goal is to get your husband to focus on you and your marriage during your separation. To that end, you don’t want to include other people in the equation any more than necessary. To the best of your ability, try to refocus on yourself and on him. If you have to use a bit of mystery to pique his curiosity and encourage his participation, I think that’s fine. But I think there’s a difference between mystery and dishonesty. It should be clear that seeing others is not your first choice. But since he’s made this decision, you’re going to make the most of it because you know you still have a lot to offer. And of course, this is just a suggested strategy if he doesn’t agree with anything else.
