My parents had just come home from the farmer’s market and noticed an extra bag of peaches.
“You have to give them back,” my mom told my dad. “We have children. We can’t keep something we don’t pay for.”
My mother had pointed out an essential truth: Children absorb the values they see put into action by adults.
Have you ever noticed how quickly children detect any inconsistency between what we say and what we do? Long before children can spell “hypocrisy,” they notice when our actions fall short of our words.
“Don’t worry that kids never hear you; worry that they’re always watching you,” says author Robert Fulghum.
Children need to see us “walk the talk.”
In fact, we teach children best when we practice “being what we want to see” in them.
If you volunteer at your child’s school, you may have noticed that skilled teachers practice “being what they want to see” in their students.
These teachers build respect by speaking respectfully to their students, even when correcting them. They teach self-control by sticking to “inner voices” in the classroom, especially in situations that could lead to angry shouting.
“Being what we want to see” isn’t always easy, although it might be easier with other people’s children!
One day at home, I found myself yelling “STOP YELLING!” at the top of my lungs. I caught the inconsistency between my words and my behavior about two seconds before my son commented on it.
Our example powerfully influences the development of the character of our children.
If we vent our anger through yelling, put-downs, or sarcasm, this is how our children will learn to manage their anger.
I once heard a preschool teacher say that by listening to children, she could tell exactly how their mothers talked to their husbands!
If we respond to unpleasant situations with kindness, self-control, and respect, our children will learn that.
Not all at once, and not perfectly. But sure.
And that extra bag of peaches?
Shortly after my dad left to return them, the row of phones.
“We went by, but you weren’t home,” my grandmother said. “Did you get the bag of peaches we left you?”
We all shared a big laugh when my dad got home. And to this day, every time an employee makes a mistake in my favor, I remember the peaches
© Norma Schmidt, LLC