Probably everyone wants, at one point or another, more willpower.
With constant willpower, we can banish our worst habits. We can finally ignore what we once considered temptations that lured us toward the promise of pleasure, distraction, or relief, only to find that they hit us with guilt and regret when we give in. With enough willpower we can develop habits that make us stronger, healthier, smarter, richer or more attractive, depending on our goals.
The source of willpower is found in the prefrontal lobe of the brain, home of “executive function.” The prefrontal lobe gives us the ability to execute the actions that lead to the achievement of our goals. Like an executive or business manager, you decide what is done and what is not done. The prefrontal lobe gives us the ability to:
• Decision making
• Evaluate options
• Direct attention
• Delay gratification
• Following the rules
The brain’s reward circuitry creates habits by releasing a neurochemical called dopamine. The reward circuit encourages us to recall substances and experiences that initially bring “rewards” (feelings of excitement, pleasure, or relief) and to remember what we did to obtain those rewards. Dopamine urges us to pay attention to the signals that indicate when those substances and experiences are available, encouraging us to “do it again”, creating an expectation of more rewards. The reward circuit can put our brains in a constant struggle between succumbing to bad habits or following the dictates of our more virtuous executive function.
When we give in to the impulses of the brain’s reward circuits, we are more likely to watch TV instead of taking a walk, choose cookies instead of apples, play video games instead of doing homework. The problem with dopamine is that it overrides rational judgment and good intentions. It can disarm the prefrontal lobe so that we engage in destructive habits over and over again. By strengthening the willpower, we get a stronger prefrontal lobe.
In this article, I’ll discuss six factors that weaken willpower, and unsurprisingly, there is a remedy for each. These six factors drive us to pursue our vices. When you become aware of these willpower “bandits”, you will be better prepared to avoid them and make better decisions.
Bandit # 1 – Social Influence
Marlene Dietrich once said, “The weak are more likely to make the strong weak than the strong are likely to make the weak strong.” The people you hang out with can have an amazing influence on whether you follow healthy or unhealthy behaviors. Friends and family members often present us with the same habits that ensnare us. We tend to congregate with people like us. So we have friends who drink, friends who smoke, and we know who to call to join us on that excursion to the Baskin Robbins for the triple scoop special!
Mirror neurons in the brain make us want to mimic the behaviors of those around us. By agreeing with others, we gain social reinforcement and a feeling of belonging. So if you want to kick an unwanted habit, stop associating with people who share your weakness. They can be your friends, but they can also sabotage your success; something I wrote about in this article. If you still want to spend time with them, do so away from the bar, the casino, the ice cream parlor, or any setting that may be their downfall.
If you plan to adopt a new habit, find ways to spend time with people who are also involved in that new behavior. Going to the gym can be more fun than exercising at home just because you will be in the presence of other people who are exercising. Join a club, hangout, or support group and put those mirror neurons to work!
Even if your new habit is a private and solitary activity, you can still get support from others through website forums and websites where you can record your progress along with others working on similar goals. You can also hire a life coach to hold you accountable, discuss your progress, help you solve problems, and teach you how to motivate yourself.
Bandit # 2 – Fatigue
Obviously we give in to temptation when we feel tired. The three main causes of fatigue are overwork, lack of sleep, and hypoglycemia. To combat fatigue, find a way to balance your work time and personal time. You may need to negotiate with your supervisor and / or co-workers to change your schedule, the number of hours you work, or the range of your responsibilities. Maybe you need to delegate. You may need to go to bed earlier to make your work day more productive. You may need to eat foods that give you more stamina and energy.
Inadequate sleep will undermine your determination to kick a bad habit or start a new one. Inadequate sleep has been shown to reduce energy, decrease productivity, compromise immunity, and lead to weight gain. The National Sleep Disorders Research Center estimates that 70 million people suffer from sleep problems. Many people take over-the-counter sleeping pills or prescription drugs for sleep disorders, such as insomnia. You can do better if you learn to manage stress (see below) more effectively. Also, consider hypnotherapy for insomnia.
Low blood sugar levels are often the result of what you eat. Sugars, fats, starches, many processed foods, and alcohol break down quickly in the digestive system and turn into sugar. These foods are high in empty calories and low in nutritional value. Blood sugar levels rise, causing the pancreas to pump more insulin to lower sugar levels. As blood sugar levels drop, the result is fatigue, poor concentration, and cravings for more of these foods. You’ll have more staying power if you get out of the sugar / fat / starch cycle and start eating foods high in fiber and protein that digest more slowly.
Bandit # 3 – Focus on what you don’t want
Focusing on what you don’t want is not a well-formed result. Saying “I want to reach a healthy weight” is better than saying “I don’t want to be that fat.” A positively stated goal or outcome focuses attention on the solution, not the problem.
The problem is that when people deal with habits and temptations on a daily basis, they tend to focus on what to avoid. They say something like, “When I’m at the party tonight, I’ll resist the urge to eat cookies and cakes.” So at the party, where does the attention go? It goes straight to those forbidden treats. Now the dopamine in your brain insists that you consume as much as you can. His executive function has been under attack and his willpower seems to have escaped through the nearest window.
The remedy is to focus your attention on what you will do instead: “When I go to the party tonight, I will eat snacks from the vegetable tray.” However, there is another trap to be aware of. For many people, doing something “good” (ie eating the vegetables) gives them permission to do something “bad” as a reward (ie eating the cake). If you define your habit as indulging in being “good” and believe that being “bad” is a reward for being “good”, you will remain stuck in the habit that causes you suffering. Read more about this in Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Willpower Instinct.
Bandit # 4 – Negative Self-talk
Many people honestly believe that by criticizing and punishing themselves they will behave better. That is usually wrong! How would you feel if someone else scold or belittled you on a daily basis? You would hate it. Negative self-talk often triggers the brain’s alarm system and creates anxiety. So the brain decides that the best way to alleviate that anxiety is to demand relief, and your reward system will insist that you have that drink, that chocolate, or that bag of potato chips.
There are many ways to change negative self-talk, especially with neurolinguistic programming (NLP). You can disassemble it, invalidate it, reformulate it and replace it. Get in touch with an NLP practitioner and read more about it in Steve Andreas’ ingenious book, Transforming Negative Self-talk.
Bandit # 5 – Perfectionist Fights
Many people get stuck in starting a new and desired habit because they insist that it must be done perfectly, and if it is not perfect, they will have failed. So they procrastinate, seething with anxiety from the fear of failure. Also, many people start a new and desired habit only to quit smoking at the first sign of difficulty. A goal based on perfection is not achievable.
Whoever said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well” and “If you can’t do something right, don’t do it,” didn’t understand how humans learn. We learn almost everything that is difficult through trial and error. In many companies we must start as beginners, making mistakes and correcting them until we achieve consistency and competence. Stop trusting the idea that you must be perfect. Jump in and learn as you go, expecting mistakes and lapses along the way. Remember, life is complicated, so keep going.
Bandit # 6 – Stress
You probably know that stress can sap your willpower quickly. This is because stress activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers activity in the limbic region of the brain, the site of worry and anxiety. When the limbic system receives energy from the brain, there is little left for the prefrontal lobe. It’s as if the executive in your brain has been scared off by a rogue neurotransmitter mob screaming that everything is wrong. You will regain some control when you see stress as a signal to apply coping mechanisms.
Stop the bandits!
So look at your daily life and identify your willpower bandits. Ask yourself:
• Do I go out with people who have healthy habits or with people who have unhealthy habits?
• Am I getting enough sleep or is there a way to improve my sleeping habits?
• Do I focus too much on what I don’t want, when should I focus on what I want?
• Do I have a negative self-talk in my head that undermines my willpower?
• Did I sabotage my good intentions with perfectionist efforts?
• Am I managing stress in my life effectively or do I need better stress management skills?
Answer these questions honestly and you might get some clues on how to empower and improve your executive function so that you can muster the willpower to conquer bad habits and start good ones.
References
Andreas, S. 2012. Transformation of negative internal dialogue. New York: WW Norton
McGonigal, K. 2011. The instinct of willpower. New York: Avery