I’m the kind of grandfather I wanted when I was a kid…
It’s actually quite simple, my family was very close, united and fun loving, but my grandparents were present, involved and active in my life. Well, two of them were…
Daddy’s father passed away before I was born. Cancer stole it and left in its place a step-grandmother who had mental and emotional problems during the time I knew her. Her mother was a different story, one I probably won’t share beyond acknowledging that she existed on a very different plane that I might never have been able to understand. Her participation in my life was minimal, by choice.
The grandparents who lived across the street during my youth were active, involved, and ‘grandparents’ in most cases. They appeared like magic whenever my parents needed support or wanted to see us. They worked in their garden early in the morning, and my favorite early memories are waking up to my grandmother whistling “Red Wing.” My grandfather would work at the store, garden, or randomly cross the street to take my sister or me to her house to ‘work’ with him.
We spend many days helping Grandma prepare a meal, bake cookies or cakes, or sew new curtains, clothes, or some other craft. I learned to sew on a treadle machine from my grandmother.
The road to being a good grandparent has many forks, and you may choose those forks as your grandchildren are born, as they grow older. The holder you choose will often determine your relationships with them, with your children or, later, with your great-grandchildren. I remember many of my parents’ friends saying, “I’m not the babysitter. I raised my own kids.”
Growing up, he knew he wanted to be involved, as a father and as a grandfather. He wanted to be the grandfather who stayed, had fun with the grandparents and showed up at events, parties and when necessary. He didn’t want to be there just for the good times, he also wanted to be there when they needed me.
As a grandfather, I have seen all the options. I have even seen forks in the road where life could have taken a variety of turns. Every time… At every fork… I looked at the road ahead and chose to be an active part of my grandchildren’s lives. I chose to be an active part of my children’s lives.
Those choices will determine the path you take… and where that path leads you.
What kind of parent or grandparent do you choose to be?
