After you’ve tried just about every easy strategy to get your husband to call off the divorce, it’s natural to start considering strategies that aren’t so easy. People often consider using reverse psychology to get their spouse to consider making a change. An example is pretending to be happy about the divorce when you really are not.
You may hear a wife say, “My husband is probably only a few months away from making sure our divorce is final. other way. He has agreed to go to counseling to help our children deal with divorce. He was hoping the counselor could show him that divorce should be the last option. But so far, that hasn’t been working. He seems determined to move on. I’ve tried to negotiate with him. I’ve tried to beg him not to do this. I’ve tried to promise him the changes I know he wants. None of this makes any difference to him. He says that no matter what he does, his decision is made. Since my devastation over the divorce doesn’t seem to make any difference to him, I’ve considered using reverse psychology and pretending to be happy about the divorce. Will this work? If I pretend to be happy about all of this, p want to divorce me?”
This is a very common question and many wives try this. I can’t tell you it doesn’t work because I used a variation that did. However, I stopped short of pretending to be happy that we parted ways. My husband would never have believed that. He knew he couldn’t make it. (And many wives who try this tell me their husbands didn’t believe them anyway.)
Instead, I went to stay with my family in another town. I guess you could say I was resigned to the fact that my husband was moving on. I didn’t pretend to be happy about it, but it was obvious she was backing away and wasn’t trying to fight him anymore. And this really gave him a break. I think this shocked him and this disarmed him to some extent. And this hiatus gave me a chance to try a few different things that finally worked.
But I don’t think this alone is what saved my marriage. I think it was the work I did after the break that made the difference. I think in some cases, backing off all opposition can make her husband stop and pause. Some will take this even further and pretend to be happy about the divorce.
They will tell her husband that they have suddenly realized that a divorce really is best for all parties and she will try to convince him that she is now excited about the opportunity to meet new people and just live her life without everything. of the drama Many hope that this will make her husband feel uncomfortable and jealous, which will show her that he still cares about his wife and that he may not want a divorce after all.
I understand the thinking behind this, but it’s not without risk. It could backfire. Your husband might be relieved that you are happy now. Or, he might get a little discouraged and distance himself even more. Or, one day I might feel like you were really happy about this. That’s why I think the safest bet is to act resigned and accepting instead of happy. I know this may sound like a small distinction. But I think it’s important.
Because when you go back, it is still clear that you love your husband and that you would like to save your marriage. So instead of saying you’re happy, you’d say something like, “I wish I could change your mind, but it’s pretty clear you’re determined to move on. I’m not going to keep pressing you on this because my attempts obviously haven’t worked. So, I’m going to start living my own life and working on myself. I’m going to try to be as happy as possible with this scenario because I have to think about myself. Our being and that of our children. I hope we can have a relationship good and continued for your sake. And I wish you all the best moving forward. I hope you feel the same way. And who knows what tomorrow will bring? But for now, I just have to back off.”
You see the difference? This may still give her that pause she’s looking for, but she hasn’t lied and she hasn’t tried to sell something that is so over the top. Also, your husband is less likely to get angry or withdrawn, since you still maintain your integrity and your feelings about it are more understandable than claiming that you completely changed your mind so dramatically to pretend you’re actually happy.
Of course, every marriage is different. I can’t tell you which strategy might work best, but I’ve always felt more comfortable not pretending to be happy. I knew I couldn’t sell it. My husband knew that he would never be happy about the end of my marriage.
