I can’t tell you how many women tell me they just can’t give up the affair once and for all. They have made the decision to forgive and want to save their marriage. They have completed some work to restore confidence and have tried to move forward in a healthy way. However, almost always something goes wrong. Because? Because the little voice in the back of your head that fuels doubt and fear begins to whisper that the moment you let your guard down, you’ll revisit this again.
So, they start to worry every time he is late. They look for signs of deceit in your eyes and sniff your clothes for perfume. They check their pockets before doing laundry. They analyze every conversation and criticize every time they make love. In short, they care. They are filled with anxiety that their husband will cheat on them again. They can’t seem to calm the sick feeling in their stomach or the feeling of fear that the other shoe is finally going to fall off. I know it very well because I experienced it. I know how paralyzing it can be. I will share how I was able to overcome these concerns in the following article.
Once you make what you know to be the right decision, you have to make another decision to let go:Deciding to save your marriage after an affair is not a decision to be taken lightly. Solving the multiple problems and doubts that arise requires a lot of hard and difficult work. All your fears, insecurities, and flaws suddenly show up as you progress. You have to commit to being vulnerable and open to difficult forgiveness. Not everyone is able or willing to do this.
You need to decide carefully if you are willing or able to focus on what has been going well in your marriage in the years before this mistake. He must consider his family and how the decision he makes will affect them. And, you should think about whether it is healthier for you to walk away or to stay. However, once you have carefully made this decision, you must commit to living with it and moving forward. You can’t keep going backwards because if you do, you’ll start to doubt yourself. And you don’t want to keep reviewing this thing that caused you so much pain. You want to create a new and better reality for yourself so that you are so happy and confident that you don’t have to go back.
So you need to set it up so that you have what you need to be successful. If you continue to doubt your husband, ask him to control more. If you’re worried that your marriage isn’t strong enough to resist temptation, then make it your number one priority to strengthen it. If you’re worried that your sex life isn’t enough to keep him around, do better. Be very proactive and do whatever it takes to win back their trust. Don’t allow yourself to be a victim. You deserve so much better than this. You must take back your power and know that you are absolutely enough and that you deserve the best marriage, the most committed husband, and to be as satisfied as you deserve to be.
Restore your self-confidence: OK here’s the ugly truth. Very often, I find that it is not what the husband is doing that is causing you all the worry that he will cheat on you again. It’s your own doubts about yourself. It is because you feel that you are not young enough, good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, attractive enough or sexy enough to keep a man happy and satisfied. And this self-destructive talk will have to stop.
For just a minute, put the cheating or affair aside and brainstorm about the insecurities you’ve always had, the ones that plagued you even before the affair. Because these are the ones that escalated afterwards and these are the ones you will have to get over before you feel peace. Once you’ve identified them, take care of them. Do what you have to do to feel confident about yourself. You have to know that you can handle anything that comes your way because you are strong and capable. You have to know that he is very lucky to have you and that if he cheats again, you will be absolutely fine and take responsibility for his mistakes.
The truth is that, as much as we want to, we cannot control other people’s decisions. We can set ourselves up for success. We can do the work to make sure our marriage is happy and exciting. We can accept that the people we love with occasionally make mistakes. And despite all this, we can think about living our lives with joy and openness. An affair doesn’t have to be a life sentence. If you allow it, you will have given the woman who cheated far more power over you than she deserves. Your best revenge is happiness. You deserve nothing less. So claim what you deserve and don’t look back.